Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family: How to Eat, How to Raise Good Eaters, How to Cook, Second Edition
Author: Ellyn Satter
Publisher: Kelcy Press, Madison, WI
Copyright: 2008
Pages: 302
Rating: Can’t Put It Down
The Struggle
If you read my last review discussing intuitive eating, you already know that I have faced our culture of food rules and started throw them in the trash so to speak. To those of you that have stumbled across this review first, then let’s catch you up quickly. I’ve recently been on a journey to get to the root of my problems in relation to food so that I can come to some peace with how I eat, address my tendency to overeat and more importantly stop my urge to binge on food when life gets tough. This requires some letting go of long-held food rules and behavioral patterns that have had a good 35 years to set in. With the help of an intuitive eating counselor, I have started to pursue food and eating in an entirely different way and grasp a greater understanding of what is behind my binge episodes.
Doing something different for yourself is one thing, but in my situation as a parent to three young children and wife to my dear husband, how to implement the changes of intuitive eating in the context of the family table is another ball of wax. I don’t have the luxury of always going with my own internal hunger signals when four other people expect meals to be put on the table. In addition, now that I was supposed to see food as neither good nor bad, but instead rely on my body to tell me how, when and what to eat, what did that look like when making and planning family meals? What kind of limits should I be setting, if any at all so that my kids could experience food freedom along with me, without compromising the nutritional needs of a growing child?
I want to help my children have as normal of a relationship with food as possible while they are still under my care. This desire was especially for my daughter in a world obsessed with physical beauty. She also happens to be very active in gymnastics, a sport that poses higher risk for disordered eating. And to be frank, trying to navigate this was triggering me to want to binge. So when I brought this up to my counselor, she readily pointed me to Secrets of Feeding A Healthy Family: How to Eat, How to Raise Good Eaters, How to Cook by Ellyn Satter. For me and my family, it was a game changer.
The Secret
Satter’s book addressed intuitive eating and the downfalls of the diet industry once again, but provided additional insight from the perspective of a parent or caregiver. The book itself is part informative and part cookbook/meal-planning, providing a nice balance of strongly researched information and practical everyday strategies. In fact, if you are searching for the just right gift to impart on new parents, this book would be a far better resource than your average cute baby booties.
The best “secrets” I took away from this book was Satter’s emphasis on the division of responsibility and the need for variety of food presented at the family table. So the division of responsibility is this: the parent provides the food and the child decides what and how much to eat. No short order cooking, your child eats what the family eats and the meal is served family style. The parent is responsible for providing at least one food in the meal the everyone likes (this may mean simply adding a bread basket to the table) and in such an abundance that everyone can have as much as they would like within reason. The parent is not to mandate any eating in any amount nor withhold certain foods to cajole the child into eating other foods that the parent has deemed more “nutritious.” That means everyone’s eyes stay on their own plate. It also means that the child learns they don’t demand any special meal, and that no food has any higher value than another. The child learns that the purpose of the family meal is to feed their hunger and enjoy their family.
For some of you, this may seem like a no-brainer, but for others it may look very different than what typically goes on at your family mealtimes. Maybe mealtimes are a stress, a battle of the wills between you and your child in getting them to eat “healthy” foods. Maybe you are convinced that what Satter is suggesting could in no way work for your situation. I’m not here to argue with you, but I will tell you that since we implemented her recommendations, family meals have become A LOT less stressful for me AND my family. My children haven’t keeled over from too many carbs, refused to eat any one food group entirely or declined in health in any way. Plus, I’ve been able to get to a point where I can honor my own hunger during family meals. Prior to this method, I frequently overate at mealtimes. I was so stressed trying to micromanage everyone else’s plate that I ate fast and without mindfulness. This lead to eating second or third portions because I wanted to enjoy the food I had worked so hard at preparing but couldn’t remember what the first portion even tasted like!
I have some additional insights I’d love to share with you on what I learned during the early stages of implementing this book and what it looked like for my family. I’ll be writing that post soon under the “book of my life” section of the blog. It that will give you some details about the first time we let the children eat what and how much without restriction, and the first time I put out cookies without limits! I think you might be surprised by the results. Until then, pick this book up if you have the chance!
So, I’m wondering….what do your family mealtimes look like? Is it chaos or calm? Have you found an approach that works well for your family? I’d love to hear about it!