Author: Susan Dembling
Pages: 198
Publisher: Penguin Group
Copyright: 2012
Rating: Running On Fumes
Author: Susan Cain
Pages: 352
Publisher: Broadway Books/Crown Publishing group
Copyright: 2012
Rating: Hangin with a Good Friend
February was to be my month to spotlight the topic of introversion. I should know better than to expect anything from February besides the dragging on of winter and the sharing of germs, germs and more germs. Thankfully we have come out on the other side and the days are slowly hinting at the approach of spring. Since our schedule is on hold for spring break and I’m not jetting off to somewhere warm AND the books I am trying to review are due back to the library tomorrow (I’ve already burned through the 3 allotted renewals!), it is high time I get something written about the 3 books that have sat on my table for the past 2 months!
Lately it almost seems rather en vogue to be “introverted”. I see articles about it on my facebook feed telling me what I can and can’t expect of my introverted friends. I hear the term mentioned frequently in conversations between women. I observe it being used as a reason to excuse oneself from engaging in social opportunities deemed too threatening or energy consuming. I’m intrigued to say the least, and since a couple of my dearest friends identify themselves as introverts, I thought it was time for me to better understand the meaning behind the word.
I find it also important to mention prior to reading on the topic, I hadn’t spent a lot of time evaluating how my own temperament impacts my life. As a child, I was described as “shy” and “tender-hearted.” As an adult, many of my friends and colleagues would quickly report that I’m extroverted in nature. In fact, every free Myers-Briggs style personality test that I have been able to access online indicates the big “E” for extroverted at the front end of things. I’ll be honest though, sometimes I even get exhausted being around people, and there are times I would rather stay home than head out to community or friend gatherings. So what does that mean? Am I an introvert disguising myself as an extrovert? Are the tests wrong about me? I hoped that doing a little research would help me clarify not only how to be a better friend to those who did claim to be introverted, but also to be better aware of my own inclinations and needs.
In this blog post, I’ll be reviewing 2/3 books I checked out on introversion: The Introvert’s Way by Sophia Dembling, and Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. These two books are more on the informative end of the topic of introversion written from the social psychology perspective, while the third book, Here Goes Nothing: An Introvert’s Reckless Attempt to Lover Her Neighbor by Kendra Broekhuis. I’ll explain why I found it important to add a book from a Christian perspective to the mix in a bit. For now, let’s focus on the first two books by Dembling and Cain.
The Introvert’s Way was the shorter of the two books, and since Cain’s book was a New York Times Bestseller, I wanted to give the lesser known author the first run at the topic. It didn’t take long to see that The Introvert’s Way had a major agenda, which was to be honoring to introverts at the expense of extroverts. I understand that good topic exploration means you discuss the pros and cons of each personality type, but this book was all the pros of introversion with repeated jabs at extroversion. The author could not seem to present her thoughts objectively, clearly harboring some jadedness from personal experiences as an introvert herself. I gave this book the good old college try, wading through many chapters until I hit page 87, where Dembling writes “I don’t suggest introversion is better than extroversion. But I bristle at the suggestion that extroversion is better than introversion.” Seriously??? It had been 86 pages worth of suggesting introversion is better than extroversion. I decided at that point to set the book aside. The readability of the book is easy, there is nothing inherently wrong with the structure, and if you want to feel really good about your introverted self, than maybe you would like the book, but it wasn’t the balanced perspective I was hoping it to be. On one positive note, I was thankful to be introduced to something called the “highly sensitive person” and work by Elaine Aron, and her book will likely make it on my “to read” list for the summer. Overall, I found Dembling’s The Introvert’s Way unbalanced and redundantly dismissive, and therefore I am giving it one of my lowest ratings.
In my opinion, you would be much better served by reading Susan Cain’s book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. Her style reminded me a bit of another best-selling author, Malcolm Gladwell. So if you dig his books, you will likely enjoy reading Cain. Cain thoroughly examines and explains how our current culture in the United States highly values extroversion. I found it fascinating to learn how extroversion and introversion impacts the workplace, the church, the family, the educational environment, finances and romantic endeavors/ intimacy. I learned that introversion isn’t only a person that needs to be by themselves to recharge or someone that hates to be around too many people at once. Introversion encompasses so much more than I could even include in this post, but I’ll share little bits about what did stick with me!
Introverts are innovative, critical thinkers that tend to get overwhelmed by too much stimuli in their environment. In fact, introverts dislike being with numerous people or frequent novel situations because their brains physiologically get overwhelmed trying to process everything. Cain’s book also explored Elaine Aron’s work with sensitivity, and something like 70% of highly sensitive people also tend to be introverted. Introverts can be great leaders with the appropriate support because they are less apt to be emotionally tied up in implementing only “their” plan. Also, it was interesting to learn that introverts can look and act like extroverts, and this can lead to quick burnout if they are not aware of this tendency to masquerade. Introverts are cautious and are thoughtful and deliberate in their decision making, which makes them great at predicting and avoiding potential downfalls in pivotal life events.
On a personal note, my eyes were opened to how my own children’s school environment promotes learning in groups and an bend towards extroversion. I just finished school conferences last week, and I took special note of the classroom set-up. Gone are the rows of desks I knew as a child. Desks are now configured in small groups of 2-4 desks, with each child facing their peers instead of solely the front of the room. Not a bad thing I think at first glance, we want our kids to connect with their peers, right? It certainly lends itself to the nature of group work, and my kids frequently report working in groups in school. But is this good for my kids? I especially wondered if my oldest, who happens to show many introverted characteristics, felt overwhelmed?
So I asked him how he felt about the group work at school. He told me he would prefer to work alone on most things and that he tends to hang back and not talk as much as some others. He doesn’t mind sitting with other kids, but he said he would be fine sitting alone too. Although he states he would rather work alone, he does recognize the old adage, “many hands make light work” because he was quick to mention that if he had to do more than 5 math problems, he would rather “do it as a group” so he didn’t have to “do all of them by himself.” I learned from him that laziness may very well override his other introverted needs! Because of this book, I was able to engage his teacher in a conversation about which groups he is assigned. It is important to me that his ideas and opinions aren’t always overpowered by his extroverted peers. Nor do I want him to be able to sit back and do very little while taking advantage of the work ethic of more eager students. These are important things to think about, and I’m thankful for the enlightenment I received from Cain’s book.
And so my introversion investigation has been revealing lots of helpful information. It seems to me that introversion/extroversion doesn’t necessarily create an either/or situation, but can be exhibited on a spectrum. I think the way it manifests itself can change with time or circumstance. I think I fall more in the middle of the spectrum, being slightly more on the extroverted side but still embody a lot of introverted needs depending on the external stress or circumstances of my life. Ultimately, I’m not really all that interested in labeling myself. I think another label that I value overrides any label the world can give me. This is why I wanted yet another perspective. You see, I believe that I belong to God. That God sent Jesus to die for me and in doing so He covered me and the sinful nature (or temperament) with which I was born in Christ’s righteousness. God promises to make me a new creation in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17), and that God has gifted me with spiritual gifts to serve others (Romans 12:6-8). So how are these gifts impacted by temperament, and how should I respond when my temperament seems to oppose what God calls me to do? If you are a Christian, do you struggle with allowing your temperament dictate your actions in the body of Christ? If so, stay tuned for my follow-up post to find out what author Kendra Broekhuis has to say on the topic! In the meantime, pick up a copy of Susan Cain’s book Quiet and enjoy!